Just when we were beginning to hope that our nation’s skies might get a little friendlier, I read of this shocking incident where, once again, some passengers are locked overnight on a cramped airplane . This time, it happened in Rochester, Minnesota, and Continental Airlines was the culprit. Or maybe not.

Continental, as you may know, is one of the airlines that decided to implement a surcharge of $15 a bag to lose you luggage.

The flight from Houston was originally destined for Minneapolis. The troubles began when severe weather forced the plane to be diverted to Rochester, 85 miles away. It landed there just after midnight last Saturday.

The story is best told through the announcements of the airline attendant as the ordeal wore on:

12:15 AM: “We are very sorry, but we cannot allow anyone to get off the plane right now. The good news is that you can be assured Continental Airlines is not at fault for any of this. We will remain here on the ground in Rochester until we can determine with certainty who exactly is to blame.”

So, the passengers sat on the tarmac, a mere 50 yards from the relative comfort of the airport terminal.

1:30 AM: “Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to report that we are making progress in our investigation as to who is to blame for this unfortunate incident. At this point, we have also ruled out our regional carrier, ExpressJet Airlines. We are currently working on the theory that airport officials here in Rochester are the ones responsible. It is also my duty to report that we have run out of mini-pretzels. The good news, however, is that pretzels will only make you thirsty, and we are discontinuing beverage service because all of the toilets are completely full.”

3:00 AM: “You will be happy to know that we have made further progress in our investigation. We have now cleared the airport officials of any blame. Our investigators are now working on the theory that it is the Department of Homeland Security who is actually at fault, as all of the security screeners have gone home for the evening. This seems to be why no one is being allowed inside the terminal.”

“I also wish to apologize for not having enough pillows and blankets to go around for you all, but the good news is that you really won’t be able to sleep anyway with all of the babies crying all night.”

5:00 AM: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are getting much closer to determining who is at fault in this matter. Our team of three investigators have now definitely ruled out the Department of Homeland Security, as they were acting under strict federal rules. Our team is pursuing several other possible scapegoats at this time. One investigator thinks it’s George Bush’s fault, another thinks it’s Barack Obama’s, and the third is blaming his ex-wife.”

“Also, as it is now 5AM, I am happy to report that I have now worked the maximum number of hours allowed under federal law, and so I am going home now to have a martini and take a nice, long, hot bubble bath. My replacement will keep you informed as to further progress.”

Some relief finally arrived an hour later, when security screeners showed up for work, passengers were allowed in the terminal, and were served a complimentary beverage in a four-ounce cup with three ounces of ice.

As of today, Continental’s investigation into who was to blame had not yielded any firm conclusion aside from the fact that it was definitely not the airline. Nonetheless, they did offer the inconvenienced passengers free vouchers for a future Continental incarceration.

Losing the luggage will still cost extra.