With data collected in-part from a facility in Livingston, Louisiana, scientists are close to proving that the universe is actually a giant pot of chicken-and-sausage gumbo. The facility is one of a handful around the world that is designed to detect ripples in space very similar to those observed when you stir flour into a pot of boiling water. The network, which goes by the acronym LIGO (Ladle Induced Gravy-wave Observatory), has been seeking evidence to prove this theory since 2005.

The “gumbo postualte” is not new, having first been mentioned by Einstein in his theory of relativity. In this theory he discusses his ideas on origin of the universe by saying, “First you make a roux.”

This has indeed been proven true, as the LIGO detectors have been able to look back to the first minutes of the universe’s existence, well before onions were added to the primordial soup. The instruments are able to detect the remnants of waves that occurred from stirring the roux into the boiling mass of cosmic matter that was ignited by the big bang. The big bang is now known to be the largest ever ignition of a propane burner.

The scientists at the Livingston facility, Drs. Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, are very excited about the discovery. They claim to have proven that what were once thought to be giant dust clouds in the space between galaxies are actually big lumps of flour. They further claim to have spectral analysis of the Orion Nebula proving it to have the same composition as Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning.

“Dis proves ‘dat we are but mere pieces of chicken meat in a big universe dat is mainly made up ‘o flour, water, and veg’table oil, no?” says Dr. Boudreaux.

Dr. Thibodeaux added, “An ‘dis proves what we in de bayous been sayin’ all along, dat de’ holy trinity really is onions, bell peppers, and celery.”

C’est bon!