There’s been a lot of controversy here in Louisiana about the new “Career Diploma” track that was passed into law in an attempt to reduce the dropout rate. Many people believe that the track is just a dumbiing down of the curriculum to improve the numbers.

Many school districts throughout the state have asked for waivers because they are not sure how to implement the new curriculum. Here at Road Kill Gumbo we’ve come up with some exam questions for the Career Diploma to try to help these districts out a little.

Here are some questions for various subject areas:

English:

What form of sentence is “Do you want fries with that?”

A. Declarative
B. Interrogative
C. Exclamatory
D. The kind you need to memorize for your job.

History:

Where was the Battle of New Orleans fought?

A. At the New Orleans Arena between Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage in Wrestlemania VII.
B. In Central City between the Voodoo Lords and the River Pagans.
C. At the Superdome between Grambling and Southern University.
D. Uh, somewhere in Iraq?

Chemistry:

You are the pool boy at the local YMCA. You test the water and it contains 3 parts per million of chlorine and has a pH of 6.5. What should you do?

A. It’s all good. Sneak back into the chemical storage shed and finish reading your stack of dirty magazines.
B. Pour a whole gallon of test solution into the pool and watch it turn bright orange.
C. Toss a rubber snake into the pool to scare all of the children out; then call in the hazmat team. Somebody’s obviously been peeing in it.
D. Add ten bars of homemade lye soap you got from your grandmother to raise the alkalinity and clean the pool at the same time.

Mathematics:

You are a carnival worker selling ride tickets. They cost $1 apiece or six for $5. Someone comes up to you and orders eight tickets. How much should you charge him?

A. $7
B. $8
C. $50, including the price for the contraband he really came to buy.
D. Hey man, can’t you just make it easy on me and buy $5 worth?

Geography:

What direction would you go to get from New Orleans to Houston?

A. Interstate 10
B. Uphill (everything is uphill from New Orleans)
C. Sideways
D. Follow the giant sucking sound that started after Hurricane Katrina.

Foreign Language:

What is the meaning of the phrase, “Laissez les bon temps rouler”?

A. It’s the Louisiana state slogan.
B. “Let’s get ready to rumble!”
C. “It’s better to let a ten foot sleeping alligator lie.”
D. “It’s Friday! Let’s go out on the french Quarter and drink hurricanes until we’re so drunk that we can’t remember our names.”

Ecology:

You are cutting the lawn for the Department of Transportation alongside of a busy highway, and you see an endangered species of turtle venturing out onto the roadway directly into the path of an oncoming 18-wheeler. What should you do?

A. Start a grass-roots campaign to have several million dollars of federal stimulus money allocated to build a bridge over the highway so that the turtles can cross safely.
B. Attempt to save the turtle at the risk of taking one for the planet. At least they might name the species after you if it survives extinction.
C. Run over it with the lawnmower. It’s a goner anyway, and this way you’ll destroy any evidence and avoid the possibility of angry protests, saving the state embarassment.
D. Put on a pot of rice and wait for the carnage. It’s road kill gumbo tonight, baby!