Road Kill Gumbo » Top 10’s http://roadkillgumbo.com Satire About News and Life in Louisiana Sun, 18 Jul 2010 04:37:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 Top 10 Reasons for Brad Pitt to Run for Mayor of New Orleans http://roadkillgumbo.com/2009/08/21/top-10-reasons-brad-pitt-for-mayor/ http://roadkillgumbo.com/2009/08/21/top-10-reasons-brad-pitt-for-mayor/#comments Fri, 21 Aug 2009 12:00:09 +0000 Mike McHugh http://roadkillgumbo.com/?p=401

Brad_Pitt_Burn_After_ReadingThere’s been a lot of chatter lately about Brad Pitt running for mayor of the Crescent City. He insists that he’s not a candidate, but we believe there are many reasons he should throw his hat in the ring.

For instance:
 

10. California and Minnesota have thier own celebrity politicians; with a guy like Brad, Louisiana has a chance to surpass them.
9. His starring role in Interview with a Vampire would make him fit right in.
8. Angelina Jolie would be the First Lady.
7. The worst we could expect from him is a sex scandal, which would be an improvement over current city politics.
6. When the papparazi follow him and Angelina to the city, they’re likely to have their cameras stolen.
5. Since he’s against religion and for marijuana legalization, he’ll shut down the local Church of Scientology and turn it into a hashish bar.
4. Because of #5, Tom Cruise will never set foot in the city.
3. In the event of another major hurricane, he could rebuild the entire city single-handedly without any help from FEMA.
2. He could increase tourism in the city by moonlighting as a male stripper in the French Quarter.
  And the number one reason Brad Pitt should run for mayor of New Orleans…
1. Anybody’s better than Ray Nagin.
]]> http://roadkillgumbo.com/2009/08/21/top-10-reasons-brad-pitt-for-mayor/feed/ 6 Top Ten Reasons to Quit Smoking http://roadkillgumbo.com/2009/08/06/top-ten-reasons-to-quit-smoking/ http://roadkillgumbo.com/2009/08/06/top-ten-reasons-to-quit-smoking/#comments Thu, 06 Aug 2009 12:01:34 +0000 Mike McHugh http://roadkillgumbo.com/?p=293

Cigarette Girl

I’ve got to be honest with you all; my whole life it seems I’ve been battling an on-again, off-again habit with smoking. To help me, my darling wife, Susan, created a top ten list of reasons for me to kick the habit. Here they are:

10.

The clothes in your closet all smell like you bought them at a fire sale.

9.

It won’t impress your honey when your breath wilts the vase of flowers at the restaurant.

8.

You can’t be sure the waiter served you a steak or some road kill because your taste buds are practically toast.

7.

When you go out onto your porch to smoke, someone in a passing vehicle may sue you for giving them cancer from your second hand smoke.

6.

In the winter it takes longer for you to get ready to go out for a smoke than it takes to actually smoke the cigarette.

5.

If you go to a comedy club and try to go out for a smoke, the comedian will pick on you because he thinks you are going to the bathroom.

4.

When trying to throw your butt out the car window, it flies back in and lands right your crotch, causing an accident.

3.

If the butt does make it out the window, a cop is liable to stop you and give you a $500 ticket for littering.

2.

You will cause President Obama to break his promise on not hiking taxes on the middle class due to the increased levy you paid on your carton.

And the number one reason to quit smoking….

1.

Because your loving wife will make it a living hell for you until you finally quit.

]]> http://roadkillgumbo.com/2009/08/06/top-ten-reasons-to-quit-smoking/feed/ 3 Top Ten Excuses for Ray Nagin’s Lost E-mail http://roadkillgumbo.com/2009/07/30/top-tennagin-e-mail-excuses-for-ray-nagin%e2%80%99s-lost-e-mail/ http://roadkillgumbo.com/2009/07/30/top-tennagin-e-mail-excuses-for-ray-nagin%e2%80%99s-lost-e-mail/#comments Thu, 30 Jul 2009 11:00:16 +0000 Mike McHugh http://roadkillgumbo.com/?p=236

It seems that New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has been having a tough time trying to explain how six plus years worth of e-mails went missing. We feel sorry for the guy, and so here’s ten possible excuses he might want to try:

10.

It was all FEMA’s fault.

9.

Blame Bill Gates; it all disappeared when I tried to covert to Windows Vista.

8.

It got washed away in Hurricane Katrina.

7.

It got deleted when my computer became infected with the West Nile Virus.

6.

A 12-foot alligator ate it while I was out on a phishing trip.

5.

The Chinese must have hacked into my account when they had me quarantined in that hotel room in Shanghai.

4.

It’s all there; those so-called e-mail experts the city hired couldn’t find a ten-spot in Bill Jefferson’s freezer.

3.

I think the Army Corps of Engineers accidently buried it when they were rebuilding the city’s levees.

2.

When I was elected mayor, I promised the voters complete transparency within my office. 
That being said, just because you and I can’t see them doesn’t mean that they’re not there.

And the number one excuse for the lost e-mail is…

1.

It got lost in the paradigm shift that has placed our city a unique position to realize unprecedented economic development resulting from the rising tide of sustainable globalization.

 

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