I came across this story earlier in the week about a Texas man who was arrested in Mansfield on drug charges when some construction workers called police after noticing him crawling “on his hands and knees, eating mud, and growling like a dog”. I don’t know what kind of drugs this guy was on, but it makes me recall a song that was out back in the sixties about that sort of thing. It went something like this:

One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small
And the one you ate last Thursday made you want to lick your balls
Go ask Alan when he starts to crawl

The construction workers should feel fortunate that the guy didn’t feel inclined to hump one of their legs.

The thing that really got me about this story was the mud eating part. As far as I know, dogs, or any animal for that matter, are not known to eat mud. Now, hypothetically speaking, if I were a dog, I think I would go find the best restaurant in town, hang outside the kitchen door, and beg for scraps. You can do much, much better than mud, with the possible exception of a few all-you–can–eat buffets that I have come across.

Better yet, if I were a dog, I’d go and hang out someplace like the Schooner Wharf Bar in Key West, Florida. It’s one of my favorite bars in Key West, and in this establishment dogs are not only welcome, they’re treated like royalty. But I can’t explain this scene as well as singer/songwriter Michael McCloud. If you’re ever in Key West, you can see him play there most afternoons. So, let’s hear him describe it to you: